When trying to support someone who is grieving, it’s not always easy to know what to say or do. Words can feel inadequate, gestures can feel clumsy, and the fear of saying the wrong thing may hold us back. But you don’t need the perfect words to make a real difference. Sometimes, sincere presence, gentle kindness, and active listening are the most precious gifts you can offer someone who is coping with a loss.
In this blog, we share practical and compassionate advice to help you gently support a grieving person — whether it’s a friend, family member, or colleague.
Be present, without trying to “fix” the pain
When someone we care about is hurting, our instinct is often to “make it better,” ease their pain, or find comforting words. But grief is not something that can be fixed. It is a process that must be experienced.
That’s why it’s important to remember that you don’t need to say the perfect thing. Your simple presence — silent or subtle — can be enough. A kind look, a gentle touch, or a short message can bring great comfort.
What you can say:
“I’m thinking of you.”
“I’m here if you need anything.”
“I don’t know what to say, but I’m with you.”
Avoid saying:
“They’re in a better place now.”
“At least they’re not suffering anymore.”
“It’s time to move on.”
While well-intentioned, these kinds of phrases can unintentionally minimize the person’s grief.
Offer attentive, non-judgmental listening
Listening is one of the most powerful ways to show support. Compassionate, active listening allows the grieving person to release some of their burden. Let them speak, cry, or remain silent — at their own pace.
Tips for genuine listening:
Don’t interrupt or offer advice too quickly.
Avoid comparing it to your own experience unless they ask.
Ask open-ended questions:
“Would you like to talk about it?”
“How are you feeling today?”
Offer concrete help
Practical gestures often speak louder than a vague “Let me know if you need anything.” While well-meaning, that phrase places the responsibility on the grieving person, who may be too exhausted to reach out.
Simple and helpful ideas:
Bring a meal or homemade soup.
Offer to look after their children for a few hours.
Suggest a walk or coffee.
Help with errands or administrative tasks.
Offer without insisting, and respect their answer if they decline.
Be there… even after
Grief doesn’t end with the funeral. In fact, the days and weeks that follow can be even quieter for the grieving person, as support tends to fade.
Meaningful gestures in the weeks and months that follow:
Send a message on a significant date (birthday, anniversary, holidays).
Suggest a light outing a few weeks later.
Keep asking: “How are you doing today?”
These small actions can help the person feel less alone over time.
Supporting someone in grief also means respecting their pace
Everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to feel better.
Some people may need to talk frequently about their loved one, while others may prefer silence. Some will return to daily life quickly, others may need months to regain a sense of normalcy. And all of it is valid.
What matters most is to respect the other person’s rhythm, without rushing or pushing them to “move on.”
Educate yourself and recommend resources if needed
If you sense that someone is overwhelmed by their grief, you can gently suggest helpful resources. You’re not trying to replace a therapist — you’re simply offering support if they’re open to it.
Useful resources:
Maison Monbourquette: grief support groups and conferences
Local CLSCs: free psychological support in many areas
Grief therapists or counselors
What you can say:
“If you ever feel like talking to someone, I can help you find a good resource.”
And above all… show compassion
Supporting someone in grief means being a steady presence in a time of chaos. Even if you feel awkward or unsure, never underestimate the power of simply being there.
A genuine look, a few kind words, a soft “I’m thinking of you” — these small gestures often have the deepest impact.
There’s no magic solution to ease someone’s grief. But by being present, listening with care, and respecting their pace, you can offer true support. Often, the simplest gestures are the ones that leave the greatest mark.
At Services Commémoratifs Mont-Royal, we understand that grief reaches beyond immediate families. That’s why we’re also here for those who wish to support someone with compassion. Don’t hesitate to contact us if you have questions or want to help someone through this difficult time. 💛
